The Two Men That Taught Me About Jesus

As a child I remember warm Florida afternoons playing outside with my sister and friends.  My mother was inside making dinner, with a glass of wine, as he arrived home.   My father's childhood wounds had left him distant, bitter, and unaffectionate.  My mother’s glass of wine, turned into two, then three.  This all seemed “typical” to me at the time, but looking back now, I see brokenness, anxiety, and addiction. 

Six blocks down the street my future father-in-law was raising his own family.  Four barefoot, shirtless boys, playing football, was the daily scene in their front yard.  He had also experienced a difficult childhood, but he pushed to overcome it by getting close to Christ.  This is the story of the two men that taught me about Jesus.

My father invited me to stay over for a visit.  His girlfriend let me in and, excited to see them, I sat down on the couch to catch up.   He dove right in, and the mood immediately changed.  He was angry that I hadn’t taken sides in the divorce.  I felt blindsided, disrespected, and judged!  Harsh words were screamed and doors were slammed!  Three years of silence followed. 

I apologized for my harsh words.   I left voicemails, texts and mailed handwritten cards.   He wouldn’t speak to me, and the silence and feelings of abandonment absolutely broke me.   I lost my joy, my confidence, and my purpose. 

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up all their wounds.” - psalm 147:3

My father-in-law was "my Rock" during these years.  He tried to keep me focused on loving my father no matter what, and on trying to free myself through forgiveness.

A timely retreat was calling my name, so I attended.  It was then that I truly began to understand how much God loved me and that He IS love.  To understand that He wants US to love as He loved, to forgive, not take things personally, and to give others the benefit of the doubt.  My heart slowly opened to see my father through a different lens;  to understand his brokenness, and that harsh words were like swords to his gut.  To understand that his triggers defined him and to give him grace. I decided to keep trying. 

One weekend I stopped by, and to my surprise, my father greeted me with a hug and invited me in.  We talked for hours that day.   His granddaughter was engaged, his grandson a college graduate.    I was thankful that the silence had been broken, but there was still so much healing that needed to happen.  I later learned that he expected an invite to the wedding.  I was anxious and unsure.

My father-in-law’s words loomed in my mind.  “I’ll be there for you.  It’s the right thing to do.  He wants to be included.  He wants to be together with his family.”   During the wedding, once again, my father-in-law was that encouraging voice.  “Make sure you talk to your father today.  Don’t forget to go to his table.”  

What a beautiful day it was, intimate and full of love.

 And then it happened. 

One year after the wedding, "my Rock" was crushed. “Stage 4 cancer,” the doctor’s words hung in the air.   As she continued talking, he couldn’t hear anything more.  He said he was filled with a calm, a peace, true forgiveness.

He texted me this message one evening, “I can tell you when you are where I am, everything changes.  Not mad at anyone anymore and don’t want to be.  So, work on the dad thing.  You never know.”

Even through all his suffering he was thinking of others.  Forgiveness and being right with God was at the forefront of his thoughts.  My precious father-in-law loved hard and was loved by all. 

The last time I saw him awake, with the last of his strength, he lifted my hand in his and kissed it.  It was a priceless gift and a symbol of his true love that I will treasure forever.  I think of him every day and he will always be in my heart. 

I am now in touch with my father.  It’s still a work in progress, but I am so thankful for, and owe it all to “my Rock.”

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone forgive as the lord forgave you.” - Colossians 3:13

I truly believe that Jesus was, and is still, working on me through these men.  I needed them both to learn these lessons.  Without the pain and hurt, I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to grow in love and forgiveness.  Without "my Rock," I wouldn’t have had the courage to fight through it.

Are you easily offendable?

What is your relationship with forgiveness?

I truly wish you and your beautiful families a lifetime filled with unconditional love, forgiveness and many blessings. Happy parenting, enjoy the journey.

Angela

***This post was originally written as a possible submission for the Mom Co blog.