4 Tools to Raising Thankful Children

With the holidays in full swing, we, as parents, are probably feeling the overwhelming pressures of it all, while still trying to navigate the daily needs of our families.  It’s A LOT, and, when we have a moment for reflection, we may wonder if we’re doing enough to instill thankful hearts in our children.   As parents, we may tend to “beat ourselves up” with feelings of; Are we doing a good enough job instilling the “reason for the season” in our children?   Are we teaching them to have thankful hearts?  Are we modeling patience and kindness?  Are we doing enough? 

First and foremost, we need to give ourselves some grace.   To realize that parenting is probably the most challenging yet rewarding job we’ll ever have!  To realize that no parent is perfect and our children don’t expect perfection.  To realize that we’re doing our best, and our children think we hung the moon!    Let’s sit with that for a moment.  Good, now let’s begin.   

Tool #1 – Embracing the Blessing of Parenthood

If we begin by looking at parenting through the lens of thankfulness, through the lens of being given the blessing of shaping the next generation, our children will absorb that energy and feel love literally in their bones!  They’ll understand love and kindness as God intended.  

Tool #2 – Understanding the Impact of Intentional and Unintentional Parenting

Children learn from us through two types of parenting, Intentional and Unintentional.

Intentional Parenting – our intentional actions that we do with the goal of teaching

Unintentional Parenting – What we do, say, don’t do or say.  Everything they learn from watching and listening to us.  Our actions between us and them, between us and our partner, between us and our family and friends, between us and strangers. 

There are many intentional things we can do as parents to instill thankfulness in our children- i.e. charity work, volunteering and serving others, donating to the needy, making creative projects, thank you cards or letters, etc.   What makes the most impact, however, are the small moments of unintentional parenting our children observe in our daily lives; i.e., respecting others, loving others unconditionally, and modeling kindness by assuming the best in all.

Tool #3 – Being Thankful Unintentionally

In addition, when we naturally express thanks to our children and others, model patience and gratitude, and treat our children with love and respect, they learn to treat others the way they are treated.   When we treat our partners with that same love, respect, patience and kindness, our children will mirror that behavior in their relationships with siblings, friends, and other adults. 

Tool #4 – Being Present

Last and certainly not least, we need to understand the core concept that humans are wired for connection, which is a child’s most important need.   When children feel intense connection and unwavering love from us, they naturally want to please us.   We also need to understand that challenging behaviors will still happen, however, when they do, they are almost always our child’s best attempt to communicate an unmet need.   When we keep this at the forefront of our minds, we’re more likely to look at these behaviors with curiosity, with the mindset of trying to lovingly understand what’s underneath the behaviors.   This requires presence, it requires us to observe and listen intently with the goal of trying to figure out what that unmet need may be.  When we do this, it makes our children feel seen, heard and loved unconditionally.  And when children feel unconditionally loved, they unintentionally learn empathy. And when children have empathy for others, they naturally develop a kind and thankful heart.

In this season of intense busyness loaded with shopping, cooking, entertaining, decorating, and more, the holidays can be completely overwhelming.   Although it’s easier said than done, try to find a few moments each day to give yourself the gift of pause, to look around and take in the moments.  It takes intentionality, but you will be so happy you did.   I truly wish you and your families the blessing of pause, the blessing of peace, the blessing of presence, and the blessing of joy, laughter and captivating moments.   Happy Holidays.

With love,

Angela

 About the author - Angela is a former teacher and social worker, Certified Parent Coach, child development consultant, wife of 34 yrs, mom of two amazing young adults (1 with a recent autism diagnosis) and grandmother to 1 grand blessing! Angela is passionate about helping families thrive because parenting can and should be joyous. Happy Parenting, with love.